A while back, I wrote a post about entrepreneurship and the real downfall of failure.
I argued that it isn’t the act of failing itself that’s the most terrifying, it’s the external connections we make to it.
If we fail, we’ll lose our dignity.
If we fail, we’ll lose our life savings.
If we fail, we’ll lose our home.
While these are extreme examples, I know our thinking can often go to “worst-case-scenario.”
I remember a conversation was brought up by one of the entrepreneurs in this year’s Factory45 program. She wrote:
I'm looking for advice: Having just finished my master's degree, it may come as a surprise to some family and friends who don't know about my project yet that I'm going the entrepreneurship route. Anyone have tips on how to introduce a significant career change to family, friends, and/or even an employer (I plan to keep my full-time job for a while)?
This got me thinking about the “pre-failure phase.”
Before the fear of failure is even an option, first there is the fear of getting started.
It’s the fear of taking the plunge. Of not knowing what’s going to happen. Of worrying what your family and friends are going to think.
The greatest inhibitor to becoming an entrepreneur or pursuing a great idea or moving forward with your true life’s work is — never getting started in the first place.
When we make it public and declare our idea to the world, we simultaneously have to face the feeling of being seen.
Being seen means you open yourself to critics, you open yourself to the doubters, and you open yourself to vulnerability in a way you probably haven’t before.
Throw in the visibility of the modern-day Internet to the mix and the stakes get a whole lot higher.
I’m no stranger to critics. While the supporters in my life far outweigh the cynics, it doesn’t make the occasional negativity sting any less.
I’ve been called an asshole, a “self-aggrandizing bitch,” a piece of shit and other equally flattering names (I don’t read the comments section of The Huffington Post anymore).
I’ve had outsiders call Factory45 just another “expensive online course” (I won’t even dignify that with a rebuttal).
And year after year, I’ve faced family and friends at Christmas parties, dinner parties and happy hours, wondering when I’m going to get a “real job.”
Over the past five years as an entrepreneur, I’ve had practice dealing with the “gremlins” (yep, you cross me, I dub you a gremlin).
While an off-putting email or comment can still throw off my day at times, I can tell you it does get easier.
If you’re one of those people, who is tinkering with a great idea, a new business or an alternative career path, remember this:
The critics, the doubters, the cynics only have power if you give them the power.
As hard as it may be, you can consciously accept that there will always be some degree of negativity coming at you, but you can also consciously choose how you react to it.
Power is energy. And you get to decide where to put that energy. It can either be your demise or… your strength.
Like I said, I loved some of the other responses from this year’s Factory45 crew, so I want to close by sharing a few pieces of their advice in opening yourself up to getting started:
- Stay close to those who support your dreams and let you blab on and on, even though they don't understand what you’re talking about.
- Speak from a place of vulnerability. Don’t predict the reaction you’re going to get, because it will come out in your tone.
- At the end of the day, our opinion is the only one that matters. It really is. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your life.
- I feel that when I do get the occasional negative reaction, it's usually from people that have never tried to make their own dreams a reality.
- Walk into the conversation with the knowledge that approval is not the goal – information is. You want those around you to be part of the vision, to be in inquiry with you… and I would recommend making it a two-way and engaging conversation.
- “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.” – Steve Jobs
If you’ve been a Factory45 reader for a while you know I’m a big fan of Dr. Brene Brown, who is a researcher on vulnerability and shame.
You may know her from her two viral TED talks. She did another talk that’s not as well known called, “Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count.” It’s a must watch — even if you’re the most confident guy/gal on the planet.